Love marriage, in my opinion, is overhyped, especially because of movies and western media, as they try to portray marriage and love as some sort of fairytale that never coincides with reality. Although, it is still common to see people trying to imitate this via horse carriages, big weddings, big halls with expensive fancy decoration etc. May Allah protect us from this.
As Muslims, we need to know that interacting unnecessarily with the opposite gender is Haraam and getting married via this method will become problematic during the marriage, which we will discuss further later. The halaal route would be to speak to the parents of the person and then taking it from there. Now when we look at love marriages, the question comes down to how did the feelings initiate? In most cases, it is simply because of good personality and physical attraction. This itself is not how we should look for a spouse.
On the other hand, with arranged marriages, it has become something that is derogatory and looked down upon. Although, I honestly believe that this method is better than having love marriage for a number of reasons. On most occasions, love marriages boil down to infatuation and lust, whereas with arranged marriages, one may take their time to analyze and see if the other person is right for them. It is also good to note that just because someone is good and has an amazing personality, does not mean they are right for them i.e. compatibility.
Also, I’ve seen through experience that many people that are in this infatuation phase cannot control their desire and will overlook all the bad traits of their ‘to be’ spouse. This is a big problem because the person will make themselves believe that everything will be fine and everything will somehow work out in the marriage when majority of the time, it doesn’t. This problem rarely occurs with arranged marriages, which is the reason why you may see the older generation of asian families more successful with their marriages than then current ones.
Now to quickly look at those who take the haraam route of love marriages, they never really work out. One may now really appreciate why it was made haraam for men and women to interact in this boyfriend/girlfriend manner. I will make another post on this, talking about relationships and talking about their reality.
To conclude, we should not look down upon those who choose to have arranged marriages because it is, at the end of the day, a very smart method to look for a spouse that is RIGHT for you. Some people may say how can you get married to someone you don’t know. Well you can because we’ve seen our parents and grandparents do it and this method does not require that you get married straight away, one can take their time and see them as many times as they need until they are convinced that the person is or isn’t right for them. Just because you haven’t developed feelings for the person before the marriage does not entail that you will not develop feelings for them later. Develop feelings can be done given that they spend enough time with them and it is better to start off a marriage like this so that the spouses can spend more time developing their relationship in a fruitful manner, whereas on the contrary, if you start the relationship all lovey dovey, that phase will soon end and then the marriage can sometimes just go downhill from there.